Well, damn man, I think I deserve to have good life, in this case, I deserve to be national athlete, I guess. But then all of suddenly make me feel strange i can't handle all of problems in my life.

I was like, man lose my hope. I burn myself for all the problems and then what? I'm just a weak man in the night with a tears. My mom come and said, "what's the matter with you?", and i just like... Okay, i'll try to keep my problems because i don't want to make my mom sad like me.

My girl was far for me and she's on duty right now. Every single fucking night, i'm no hope and do not know what should i do, until the feeling good come to me. In that morning i feel the feeling, i feel the hope come and joying me, makes me feel better and better. Without a permission, god saves me little by little and take me to better way.

Yeah.. I have no idea to what to do? I'm just like kid. Feel happy and several days later i go to the place what everybody necessary needed when losing a hope in their life. I go to the church, and find more happiness in there. I have a plan that's can make me happy, i'll go to my college and told my teacher and see what happen next.

I dont want to be loser for a long time, i want to repair my life. Before this happen i want to tell everybody that i'm saved after my mom and my girl wants me to be a good person not just like before who down to a bad situation.

I'm just a person who blame myself for many reason that happen to me but i'm the same person too who blame god for bad things happen to me and his always, always and always forgive me.

I'm sorry God, i know i'm weak in this life, makes me strong to fight for a good life.

Thanks to the lord who always saved me, more than thousand time in my life even i am a sinner. Thanks Jesus Christ.

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